People who know me in my non-music life know that my desk is a window into my state of mind. If it’s cluttered, piled high with things that need attention, it’s a good sign that I’m stressed and overwhelmed. I don’t like it when it’s that way, but when I have too much to do, organization and neatness go by the wayside. It’s symptomatic – I stop trying to put things away because it feels hopeless in the light of everything else that keeps piling up. And it then becomes a vicious circle, because a cluttered desk adds to my stress level. I’m starting to think that lack of blog posting on my music blog is a similar sign of lack of wellbeing in my music life. I’m often up and down about the business side of the music career. I love writing songs, and I love singing and playing them. The business side – booking gigs, getting publicity out, persuading people to come to shows and buy CDs – is probably not fun for anyone, and I have a particularly hard time with it. It’s time-consuming and ego-deflating. And for someone for whom self-promotion is not a comfortable thing all of those steps involve “hey – here I am! I’m great!” efforts that do not come naturally to the child of repressed Midwestern protestants. I’ve had remarkable successes. And pretty much every show currently booked on my calendar is there because of someone who approached me to do a show, which is a sign that I’m doing something right in the long game, even if I’m currently not doing what I should do to put myself in front of people who don’t yet know my music and convince them that they should. But it’s that latter step that’s getting to me right now, that I need to be doing more of and that I’m having a hard time doing. In all parts of my life I think through writing, and when I avoid writing (whether it be songs, journal entries, or blog posts) it’s a sign of something not going right. In the case of music blogging, the “does anyone want to read what I write?” sentiment is simply a reflection of the broader “does anyone want to listen to songs I write and play?” that is a signal of encroaching depression. I’ve come to learn, over the years, that when my life is stressed and cluttered and I don’t know what to do about it, starting by tackling the desk – even if it’s a reflection and not the ultimate cause – is a good way to approach the issue. Small bits of progress on something cluttered make untangling other things seem possible, and having a neat desk is its own inspiration. So with that logic working for me, this is a blog post. Whether or not you’re interested in reading it, writing it has at least helped me think through what’s going on. And I do have a lot to say about my music life and it’s probably worth saying, even if primarily because writing helps me figure things out. So I’ll get back to blogging, and I’ll go out and start trying to convince people to book me to play shows. And then maybe I’ll also clean off my desk.